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Scroll down for the Agony Aunt & Dr. Love section, plus ePie's notorious list of "Guaranteed to work" Pick-up lines! (Note that they are 12+)
Jason MacTavish: Why I'm Here
Jason MacTavish, 25/8/11 16:54 GMT
Jack London once said: "I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in one magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time."
I am asked all the time what my greatest spark in life is. It would be giving advice. This column on Pie Magazine is created for exactly that; to give you, the readers, some advice on insightful topics. Unlike other columns, my inspiration will not come from readers asking questions, but rather my own life experiences; things that have taken me on sight-seeing adventures, from the cliffs of Vietnam to the poverty driven parts of Western Mexico. To things which I wish everyone could experience: listening to stories of hope, inspiration and frustration, of people in our generation wanting the best of this world. To hopeful things such as watching addicts turn their lives around. Then we have the things which I wish unto nobody: the fearful, dreadful, unmerciful things; events of such horrific murders - drive by shootings, gang initiations, to attending a military funeral.
Optimism is something so contagious. My goal in working with Pie is to spread optimism to all readers, perhaps encouraging you, persuading you and rejuvenating your spirits. My goal for having you read this column is to help you have a better day, to help you start or finish strong.
In the end, if you can take anything from these messages, it is that we must always keep hope. We live in a world washed by greed, fame, fortune, and hopelessness and, maybe today, we can think together to change this world.
Until next time.
Pie Magazine's Agony Aunt Alice
Need help with a situation? Have a dilemma? Need personalised dating advice? Alice Oliver is Pie Magazine's very own Agony Aunt, chosen especially to aid you guys and gals in all your problems - big or small.
If so, please click here to compose an e-mail.
Doctor Love: DATING ONLY Advice!
Our very own Doctor Love, Jake Goddard, is here to give you exclusive advice if you have a date coming up! From a lad's point of view, you can get tip top knowledge by e-mailing Jake at doc-love@hotmail.co.uk !
"Guaranteed to Work" Pick-up Lines
ePie's collection of notorious pick up lines! Suggest your own Pick-up lines here.
Pick Up Line of the Week!
"Feel my shirt... Does that feel like boyfriend material?"
& More:
"I seem to have lost my number... can I have yours?"
"Was your father an alien? 'Cause there's nothing else like you on Earth."
"Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes."
"I'm doing a survey and need to know some details, what's your name? number? and are you free this saturday?"
"You've made an effort."
"Can I borrow your library card? [Why?] 'Cause I'm checking you out!"
"Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you have fine written all over you."
"You must be a packet of cigs, 'cause you're smokin' hot."
"Your Daddy must've been a baker, because you've got a lovely set of buns."
"You must be a curry, 'cause you're sure as hot!"
"Your name must be Daisy, 'cause I have an incredible urge to plant you right here!"
"Have I put enough Ritalin in your drink?"
"Hi, I'm new in town. Could I have directions to your house?"
"Does this smell like Chloroform to you?"
"The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word."
"I came here looking for an attractive, intelligent and beautiful woman. But you'll do."
"My Mum's psychic is pretttyyyy sure we're going to get married."
"Your mouth says, 'Shields up!', but your eyes say, 'A hull breach is imminent.'"
"I'm just not feeling myself today. Can I feel you instead?"
""Urkuk lu Stalga." That's Klingon for "I love you baby.""
"Got any raisins? (No.) Oh, how about a date then?"
"Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on 'stunning'."
"Can I buy you a drink? Or do you just want the money?"
"I'm a raindrop and I'm falling for you."
"Do you believe in love at first sight? Or shall I walk by you one more time?"
"My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in."
Does Love Blind Us or Reveal Us?
Ben Franks, 09/07 GMT 18:59
I should probably warn you all that what you're about to read is going to most likely unfold into soppy love thoughts. All the same, you should read it. If it flows your boat, feel free to nod wisely to the words as they flow about your head. If it sounds like a cliché teenage angst, by all means "lol your pants".
Love makes us do stupid things. Apparently. It seems to be an excuse mused by both sexes when they jump into an embarrassing moment, rebel from a social norm or drastically appear like a jealous arse. The person possessed by love will then "sober up" and claim their recent outbursts was a "mere blindness of love" or will squeal "I don't know what came over me!"
It seems rather silly to fall to an emotion as grippingly powerful as love and then trail your actions in its name with a string of apologies and desperate sorry pleads. However, I think rather differently about these moments.
I don't think love ever blinds us, nor does it "possess" us when we come to do actions that on-lookers, spectators and possibly the receiver of your declaration of heart that are abnormally embarrassing. I think this is the revealing of our true selves. Obviously, we can't biologically think with our hearts - technically - but I will describe how the heart seeks, finds and touches the secret you, revealing it in a socially-alien way that can be nothing other than love.
However, before I describe the heart's untechnical powers, let's get something clear: love and desperation are completely different things. Someone spilling out their heart to another is a rare, rather tragic - sometimes beautiful - thing. Someone pleading attention with the excuse of a love they've never experienced is more common, those among you may easily be able to tell the difference. Perhaps desperation is the blind form of love? Does that mean true love is the revelation of one's self toward another? Who knows, it's far too philosophical to blog about.
So, the heart. The moment you know you're in love is one thing, but the moment you know you're in love and ready as hell to do something about it is another thing. Your temperature rises, you begin to sweat. Que the heart's ever-increasing beat and its corresponding rise in blood pressure. The adrenaline-enhanced blood is finding its way to your brain, quicker than ever. You walk towards the girl ... or guy... of your dreams, your blood has reached the secret thoughts of your brain. You unlock a stream of words that ultimately fracture in your production of them, you sound shy but sincere and true. You get lost in their eyes and then you say it, without a care in the world for those around you, you say the three words that most people are damned to speak out in real life.
You say, "I love you."
Say hello to the true you, ladies & gents.
